Relationships

Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy Is Not “Therapy”

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In a “Dear Annie” column in the Marin Independent Journal, a writer signs her query: “Through With Therapy in the Midwest.” She complains she’s fritted away thousands of dollars on a variety of therapists and concludes therapy is a “waste of money.” In the response, Annie observes: “Therapy does not work for everyone.”

Both Annie and the hapless client make a crucial error. They speak as if all psychotherapy were the same. But therapy comes in two major flavors.

Traditional therapy, popularized by Freud, assumes an adult’s psychological problems stem from their dysfunctional childhood. Treatment consists of months or often years of relating to your therapist the details of your misbegotten youth, along with your dreams, free associations, and transference feelings.

The Rational Emotive Behavior (REBT) approach, on the other hand, focuses on the here-and-now cause of your problems: your irrational self-talk. Numerous studies support the efficacy of this approach, more generally known as cognitve-behavior therapy CBT).

My client Tim, for example, felt insecure in his intimate relationships. A traditional therapist would likely conclude this insecurity came from being rejected by his parents at a young age, and would focus on having Tim discuss his early upbringing. This could go on for years.

Using the REBT/CBT approch, I helped Tim identify his unrealistic demands in his current relationship, including: “I NEED my partner’s approval, otherwise I’m unlovable.” Tim learned to change his view to: “I strongly PREFER to have my partner’s love, but don’t NEED it. It would be sad to lose it, but that only proves, at the worst, that I’m an imperfect human, not an unlovable loser. With practice, I can learn to accept myself with my flaws, and thereby considerably enjoy life whether or not I am loved.”

After nine sessions, Tim had largely overcome his irrational views, and was on his way to fully accepting himself and immensely enjoying his relationship.

Before attempting traditional therapy, first consider short-term REBT/CBT for a long-term solution.

–Dr. Michael R. Edelstein, www.ThreeMinuteTherapy.com